a values primer
three things I'm keeping salient this year
A song I’m into lately:
As I mentioned in my first post, I annually reset my values and goals. This started in Santa Cruz on NYE 2019 → 2020, after those of us present realized that we all had never made New Year’s Resolutions before. Determined to do them “right” (whatever that means), we spent 5 hours researching effective approaches to goal-setting and habit formation. We came up with a process and rolled with it, seeing if it would stick. We called ourselves “the goalsquad.” By the end of the night, we each came away with a set of values and goals to lead us into the new year.
We also celebrated by playing “Tequila” by The Champs starting at 11:59:07, and dancing our assess off in the cold seaside air until at exactly midnight, the singer says, “Tequila” for the very first time. We did not drink any tequila though :/
Through our research, a common theme emerged: the importance of identifying your values before identifying your goals. This would allow you to find intrinsic motivation for the actions you took, rather than aimlessly moving down a path that maybe you have always thought you wanted but haven’t examined enough to see that you’ve outgrown.
My values have shifted a lot over the years. It’s taken me some time to differentiate between what I now think of as a value (something to keep salient as an operating principle for how to lead my life) versus an area of responsibility (something I generally want to maintain control over, but in a more goal-centric way). I also had a really difficult time whittling them down and giving myself permission to let some go.
For example, here were my values for going into 2020:
Self-discovery
Creativity
Mental health
Physical health
Learning
Goodness
Woof, that’s a lot. And imagine the fractal-like extensions of goals branching from each… it was too much. Nowadays, I keep my list to three maximum, and I carve out my own definition for each word.
Here’s my list for 2024:
Finitude - Accepting that I have limits and cannot accomplish everything. Having grace with myself when I let things go. Using the knowledge of my limits to make intentional choices about what I want to spend my time on and who I want to spend it with. Prioritizing health to prolong what limited amount of a lifetime I have.
Empowerment - Continuing to reclaim my body and what it means to exist as a trauma survivor while also experiencing joy and pleasure. Remaining open to learning and growing, but cutting the false humility bullshit and confidently owning the things I’m good at and enjoy. Doing things even if I’m scared of failure or of looking silly.
Structure - Building supportive processes to help me continue toward my goals. Scheduling and completing milestone check-ins to stay on track and/or recalibrate. Designating time to rest and find balance.
Every week, I run through the following reflection/recalibration prompt list to help keep me aligned:
What did finitude look like this week?
Choosing to spend my time on:
Choosing to spend my time with:
Working on health by:
What did empowerment look like this week?
Reclaiming my body by:
Owning what I'm good at, such as:
Doing things even when fearing failure, such as:
What did structure look like this week?
Finding rest by:
Having supporting structures, such as:
How would you like to recalibrate for next week?
That’s not to say that my way is the right way. Our goalsquad has since grown in number, and everyone approaches this a little bit differently. But personally, I’ve found that values-identification helps me maintain a consistent sense of self, especially while in a season of growth and change. It provides intentionality as I move through life, rather than just going through the motions. I’m grateful for the little north star it gives me.
Perhaps in another post I’ll share the evolution of my goals over the years—where I achieved, where I fell short, and where I chose to let go. But for now, I’ll leave you with a wish—I hope you’re able to live your life in alignment with your values, whatever they may be.
cheers to the goalsquad and our fearless leader!