the idea of you
rattles around in my brain || turbulent, lovely
When I sit down for a writing session, I sometimes eschew the present in favor of dipping myself into the past. Our lives are so rich and filled with moments that are extraordinary, mundane, or sometimes both. It seems a shame to forfeit the act of diving, of reliving what I felt, of seeing how my current circumstances bend my perception of a previous event.
In writing of the past, I like to experiment with verb tense and POV to encapsulate the emotional experience in a way that feels honest and in alignment with what the poem needs. Writing is funny in that way—when I start a poem, it runs away from me and often ends up in a different place than when I started it. I just trust that following the flow of my creative channel will take me where I’m supposed to go.
This is the second set of the lovers edition of haiku; the first one can be found below. They’re alphabetical and concern connections, long or brief, held over the last 13 years.
a whole foot taller
wasn’t sure how it’d work but
definitely did
-
“blood is natural”
you shrug as you move downward
for another taste
-
“breathe slowly, like this”
i mimic your ins and outs
as you choke me out
-
called me “delicious”
“intoxicating” even
hungry for my skin
-
garden creamery
her lips tasted salty sweet
as we kissed goodbye
-
gazed down from the sky
wondered if that’s where you’d been
if i’d find traces
-
he gave me flowers
for my birthday. broke the vase
immediately
-
he had called me his
good little japanese girl
i slapped him and left
-
he said if he could
snap his fingers, then he would
but it’s too much work
-
how did i let this
get so far? i didn’t know
i’d be left bleeding
-
i breathed poetry
into her ear as she kissed
down my tilted neck
-
i caught you gazing
as i drove us through the trees
painted black from flame
-
i delighted in
his earnestness, how his eyes
looked back, bewildered
-
i miss how your lips
twisted to the left, gently
kissing my knuckles
-
i stand on his toes
my head nestled in his neck
as we brush our teeth
-
i thought it was you
and my heart both leapt and sank
schism in my chest
-
i watched her delight
as she proclaimed, “i just love
being someone’s muse”
-
i wonder of you
do you miss me, or are you
relieved we’re apart?
-
like a phantom limb
i felt the ache, though i knew
you weren’t even there
-
made out in the car
with a reckless abandon
teenagers again
-
now i can’t listen
to rubber soul without you
invading my mind
-
pink satin cradles
her breasts, smoother than marble
softer than pillows
-
reveled in my eyes
softly illuminated
by the setting sun
-
seeing as your friends
now ice me out, i’m not sure
you gave me nuance
-
song to the siren
escaped your lips, and i knew
i was a goner
-
starting to think the
love wasn’t there since you found
another quickly
-
“stunning,” i called her
“devastatingly pretty”
she cooed in return
-
the more that we say
“i’m happy for you,” the less
i’m convinced we are
-
thirteen years older
but from ease of connection
you’d never have guessed
-
waited like a fool
for reciprocity that
never would have come
-
we erected walls
of pillows, of emotions
called it protection
-
we touched the pylon
gazed into each other’s eyes
said, “thank you. thank you.”
-
wonder how often
we were yearning in tandem
when hearing the wind
-
you apologized
for the mess, but i liked it
because it was real
-
you are not here, but
i still see you everywhere
in strangers’ faces
-
you bite my shoulder
stifling moans, out of breath
bodies shuddering
-
you held a mint bunch
up to my nose; a small gift
better than flowers
-
you hold out the slice
i eat it out of your hand
stranger calls, “that’s love!!!”
-
you told me you were
intimidated by me
that’s not new feedback
-
you were an earthquake
a natural disaster
left me in rubble
